The loss of a child

I'm not sure there is anything in this life that compares to the loss of a child. No matter the age, whether born or unborn the pain is deep. But the lessons learned are sweeter than words can describe. We lost our baby 20 months ago. 14 weeks I got to carry that child and I wouldn't give those weeks up for all the joy in the world. I have a testimony that I will see that child again.

My mother, sister-in-law, a dear friend and myself are doing a book club together. This months book is by Pamela H. Hansen, an amazing woman. We are reading her book titled Finding the Angel Within. In her book she shares her many trials including the loss of a twin. She was pregnant with twin girls and she found out that one of the twins Emily, had a fatal heart defect and wouldn't live long after birth. She gave birth to Emily and her sister Amy and soon after birth Emily passed on. Her mother wrote a poem about Emily that Pamela shares in her book. I read this poem and was touched deeply. I had to share. So to all those who have lost, or have known someone who has lost:

Our Emily
By Carolee L. Harmon

This day-old child who just arrived
with tiny mouth and hands
Will soon be going home again
obeying divine commands.
But wait...we have so many plans for her
it really seems unfair.
Bedtime stories and nursery rhymes
and secrets sweet to share.
Valentines and cookies to make,
cousins for her to know.
We want to buy her dolls and books
and watch her talents grow.
She needs to feel the seasons change,
giggle with friends among.
Blow candles out on frosted cakes
when "Happy Birthday" is sung!
We want to teach her things of Thee
with loving, kind concern
And sing our favorite Primary songs
So much for her to learn!
But wiser, she, than all of us
wrinkles her little nose
As if to say: "He needs me more
than you do, I suppose...
So I'll go back to Heavenly Father,
my mission here is done
But He'll let Amy fill your hearts
with twice the joy and fun.
I came to gain a body,
claim these parents for my own
We're now a family unit
so I'll never be alone.
Such happiness! To know I'm loved
and fulfilled my part with birth.
You have to live with much more faith
to stay here on the earth.
This day I spent with you's enough...
My dad gave me a blessing
The hardest part is leaving
Mommy's arms, I am confessing..."
Then she was gone. But this thought dwells:
What she brought, none can sever
And if we do our part - we'll be
A family forever!

Should I be alarmed?!

My daughter has a baby doll that makes sounds and such. It tells her it's hungry, or wants a book read to it, or that it needs a new diaper etc. But to make the baby laugh you shake it.

For some reason I can't help but think that this isn't the best thing to teach a child. Shake a baby and it will laugh, who designs these toys?!

Potty time

I would say that most moms can relate to the 'no privacy' concept when it comes to kids. If your house is anything like our house you get an attentive audience for all sorts of special moments. Whether it's taking a shower, changing clothes or going to the bathroom my kids feel like they must, at least at some point be there for the um action?

For some reason no one felt it necessary to let me know that when I became a mother I would have to kiss my dignity goodbye.

Ever had this moment? You are using the bathroom and one or more children suddenly need to sit in your lap more than anything else?! Nothing like sitting on the toilet doing what you do on the toilet and having a kid on your lap. Oh yes, I've tried the shut-and-lock the door technique, but that just ends in banging, screaming and crying; "Mom, MOM let me in!"

So if my dignity left when my kids felt it their duty to supervise my going to the bathroom time, what do I say left when another persons child joins my own children in this tradition?!

Yep, that's right not only do my children want to be there and watch, but so does the little girl I watch. And you guessed it she feels like it's the perfect time to sit in my lap? What would her mother say if she knew? Too bad I'll never tell her.

My brother posted what he learned about using a public toilet in this post. So to that I add what I've learned about using any toilet when you have kids.

1. There is no such thing as privacy
2. Kids have no concept of "Yuck, don't touch that!"
3. Even if you lock the door, there is no such thing as peace and quiet when using the bathroom.
4. Using the bathroom in front of your children will open the door to all sorts of questions. Usually questions you aren't ready to explain yet to persons under the age of 13!
5. A child's curiosity will lead them to ask things like "Can I see?!"
6. Kids don't care what you are doing, if they want to sit in your lap they will sit in your lap.
7. You will find yourself repeating "Yes, Mommy is a girl. No, Daddy is a boy. That's right Daddy has a penis. No, Mommy doesn't have a penis."
8. Amazingly it never gets old for kids.

What would you add to the list?!

Saying it like it is

Conversation my husband had at work with the mother of the little girl I now watch all day.

Mother: Some women are just meant to be moms. Like your wife, she was just meant to be a mom. I was just meant to be a business woman.

My husband: No, you were meant to be a mom.

And then he walked away.

Why have kids?

It never ceases to amaze me the people who have kids for show. Like they are some sort of accessory or status symbol. They have kids and then let others raise them, makes no sense to me.

So I keep a little girl now. She is 16 months old. She is adorable. She use to be watched my her grandma, but grandma's schedule changed and she can't watch her anymore. When the parents of this child sat down to talk about what they should do the mother mentioned that maybe she should just stay home. Then they decided that she couldn't because they need her income. I mean they have two cars, a house, cable tv, cell phones, blah blah blah. So if I'm understand correctly they would rather have stuff than kids? So why did they have kids in the first place?

Now, this has nothing to do with those who actually have to work. And no, having a ton of stuff to pay for does not fall into that category. I'm talking about those people who by no fault of their own are finding themselves working to put food on the table.

I just don't understand. Why would having a nice car or a big house be more important than raising your own kids? David O. McKay once said, "No success can compensate for failure in the home." And they are leaving that success up to someone else.

How about you step off the materialistic train and see what treasure you really have?!

Meeting new people

My mom can talk to anyone. She can tell you her life story in the grocery line. It's a talent she has. It's also something that I disliked growing up. I guess I always sort of got embarrassed. Now that I'm grown I appreciate the fact that it's a talent and not just a means to embarrass me.

Although I look like my mom and I talk like her and move like her I didn't get the talk-to-anybody-about-anything talent. So imagine my surprise today when the following happened at the park:

I got to the park today with my two kids and a little 16 month old girl that I keep (more about that to come). Soon after my arrival a dad with his two kids showed up. Sasperilly quickly took to talking to this stranger (wonder where he gets it?) Strangers make me nervous. I have a bit of a pedophilia phobia, so I edged over to manage things. Soon I found myself talking to the stranger. He was super nice. The next thing I know I'm spilling all sorts of personal life experiences with him! I couldn't believe it. We talked all about life and health (he's in the fitness industry). I ended up with his business card and plans to catch him again sometime at the park. What?! Did I just do that?

I have to admit that getting his business card with all his personal information on it did make me feel better. Oh and the fact that he really wants me to met his wife that helped too.

It turns out he is big into fitness, especially kids fitness. He works at a YMCA and has started his own company All Kids Fit.

Here's to cracking the shell and poking my head out. Although I think I stuck more than my head out...